Type a sentence and get it back in a joke voice, with thee, thou and hath in the right places.
Old English Translator Funny Enough to Send
Sample. Type or paste your own to replace it.
Direction: Plain text to Translation
Translation73 characters
Good morrow friend, thou art late and thy grimalkin hath eaten my supper.
6 swaps made. 5 words have no entry and stay as typed.
More options
This is a word list, not a language. Only whole words and phrases that have an entry change. Everything else stays exactly as you typed it, and the note under the result says how many words had no entry.
This old English translator is funny on purpose. Type plain modern English and it comes back with thee, thou, hath and prithee, using 299 hand-written swaps that cover 646 everyday words and phrases. The voice is Shakespeare's period, played for laughs. Real Old English is another language, and no group chat is ready for it.
Read the full guide
What happens to your sentence
The longest phrase the table knows goes first, so you are becomes thou art before you is looked at alone. Capitals carry over, punctuation stays where it was, and a word with no row is left as typed. The note under the result counts swaps and words left alone. Share copies a link to your sentence, and Swap reads old-style wording back, roughly.
Thou, thee, thy and thine, done properly
The lazy way is to turn every you into thou. This page looks at the word before it. Thou does the thing: thou art late. Thee has it done to them, so you after a verb, or after to, for or with, becomes thee: I see thee. Thy goes before a consonant sound and thine before a vowel: thy cat, thine uncle. Verbs after thou end in -est or -st, and 53 rows cover them, from thou art to thou smellest. Must does not change.
Tips
Whole words only: wait becomes tarry and waiting stays as typed. Plain plurals are the exception, so cats come out as grimalkins.
No turns into nay only when it stands alone. No time stays no time.
Zounds and gadzooks are minced oaths, swearing with the corners filed off, so both are safe for a birthday card.
Questions and answers
Is this real Old English?
No. Old English was spoken in England from about the 5th century to around 1150, used letters such as þ and ð, and cannot be read today without study. This page imitates Early Modern English, roughly 1500 to 1650, which readers still mostly follow. People call both old English, so the page answers to the name and admits the difference.
What does wherefore mean?
Why. Wiktionary gives it as an archaic word for why or for what reason, so wherefore art thou late asks for an excuse, not a location. The table swaps it in for why and nothing else. Where to is whither, where from is whence, and over there is yonder.
Does it work as a Shakespeare text generator?
For the vocabulary, yes. Thou, hath, doth and prithee belong to Early Modern English, the period also known as Shakespeare's English. It does not write verse, count syllables or invent insults. It swaps words. By 1650 thou already sounded old-fashioned, so the voice has had a long time to ripen.
my ownmine ownMine stood in for my before a vowel sound. Replaces my own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
youtheeYou, as the one it is done to: I thank thee. Replaces you. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
yoursthineYours, and also your before a vowel sound: thine eyes. Replaces yours. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
youthouYou, as the one doing the thing. One person only. Replaces you. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
yourthyYour, before a consonant sound: thy mother. Replaces your. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
yourselfthyselfReplaces yourself. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
you allyeYou, as the subject, for more than one person. Replaces you all, you guys, all of you, y'all, you lot and you two. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
Show all 299 swaps (292 more)
Verbs that follow thou 53
are youart thouThe verb goes first in a question. Replaces are you.
can youcanst thouCanst is the form of can that goes with thou. Replaces can you.
could youcouldst thouCouldst is the past form of can that goes with thou. Replaces could you.
did youdidst thouDidst is the past form of do that goes with thou. Replaces did you.
do youdost thouDost is the form of do that goes with thou. Replaces do you.
have youhast thouHast is the form of have that goes with thou. Replaces have you.
if you wereif thou wertWert is the form for wishes and what-ifs. Replaces if you were. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
do you knowknowest thouKnowest is the form of know that goes with thou. Replaces do you know.
you arethou artArt goes with thou and with nothing else. Replaces you are and you're. Replaces "you are", "you're", "youre".
you aren'tthou art notArt is the form of be that goes with thou. Replaces you aren't, you are not and you're not.
you canthou canstCanst is the form of can that goes with thou. Replaces you can.
you can'tthou canst notCanst is the form of can that goes with thou. Replaces you can't, you cannot and you can not.
you comethou comestComest is the form of come that goes with thou. Replaces you come.
you couldthou couldstCouldst is the past form of can that goes with thou. Replaces you could.
you didthou didstDidst is the past form of do that goes with thou. Replaces you did.
you didn'tthou didst notDidst is the past form of do that goes with thou. Replaces you didn't and you did not.
you dothou dostDost helps another verb along: thou dost protest. Replaces you do.
you're kiddingthou dost jestDost is the form of do that goes with thou. Replaces you're kidding, you are kidding, you're joking, you are joking and you must be joking.
you don'tthou dost notDost is the form of do that goes with thou. Replaces you don't and you do not.
you givethou givestGivest is the form of give that goes with thou. Replaces you give.
you gothou goestGoest is the form of go that goes with thou. Replaces you go.
you hadthou hadstHadst is the past form of have that goes with thou. Replaces you had.
you havethou hastHast is the form of have that goes with thou. Replaces you have and you've.
you haven'tthou hast notHast is the form of have that goes with thou. Replaces you haven't and you have not.
you hearthou hearestHearest is the form of hear that goes with thou. Replaces you hear.
you knowthou knowestKnowest is the form of know that goes with thou. Replaces you know.
you liethou liestLiest is the form of lie that goes with thou. Replaces you lie, you're lying and you are lying.
you lookthou lookestLookest is the form of look that goes with thou. Replaces you look.
you lovethou lovestLovest is the form of love that goes with thou. Replaces you love.
you makethou makestMakest is the form of make that goes with thou. Replaces you make.
you maythou mayestMayest is the form of may that goes with thou. Replaces you may.
you mustthou mustMust is the one that does not change after thou. Replaces you must.
you needthou needestNeedest is the form of need that goes with thou. Replaces you need.
you saythou sayestSayest is the form of say that goes with thou. Replaces you say.
you seethou seestSeest is the form of see that goes with thou. Replaces you see.
you shallthou shaltShalt is the form of shall that goes with thou. Replaces you shall, you have to and you've got to.
you shall notthou shalt notShalt is the form of shall that goes with thou. Replaces you shall not, you shan't, you must not and you mustn't.
you shouldthou shouldstShouldst is the past form of shall that goes with thou. Replaces you should.
you shouldn'tthou shouldst notShouldst is the past form of shall that goes with thou. Replaces you shouldn't and you should not.
you smellthou smellestSmellest is the form of smell that goes with thou. Replaces you smell.
you speakthou speakestSpeakest is the form of speak that goes with thou. Replaces you speak and you talk.
you takethou takestTakest is the form of take that goes with thou. Replaces you take.
you thinkthou thinkestThinkest is the form of think that goes with thou. Replaces you think.
you wantthou wantestWantest is the form of want that goes with thou. Replaces you want.
you werethou wastThe plain past of thou art. Replaces you were.
you willthou wiltWilt is the form of will that goes with thou. Replaces you will and you'll.
you won'tthou wilt notWilt is the form of will that goes with thou. Replaces you won't and you will not.
you wouldthou wouldstWouldst is the past form of will that goes with thou. Replaces you would and you'd.
were youwast thouWast is the past form of be that goes with thou. Replaces were you.
where are you fromwhence comest thouWhence asks where from. Replaces where are you from and where do you come from.
where are you goingwhither goest thouWhither asks where to. Replaces where are you going.
will youwilt thouWilt is the form of will that goes with thou. Replaces will you.
would youwouldst thouWouldst is the past form of will that goes with thou. Replaces would you.
Hath, doth and the -eth endings 17
comescomethCometh is the old form of come for he, she and it. Replaces comes.
doesdothDoth is the old form of do for he, she and it. Replaces does.
doesn'tdoth notDoth is the old form of do for he, she and it. Replaces doesn't and does not.
givesgivethGiveth is the old form of give for he, she and it. Replaces gives.
goesgoethGoeth is the old form of go for he, she and it. Replaces goes.
hashathHath is the old form of have for he, she and it. Replaces has.
hasn'thath notHath is the old form of have for he, she and it. Replaces hasn't and has not.
knowsknowethKnoweth is the old form of know for he, she and it. Replaces knows.
loveslovethLoveth is the old form of love for he, she and it. Replaces loves.
makesmakethMaketh is the old form of make for he, she and it. Replaces makes.
overflowsrunneth overRunneth is the old form of run for he, she and it. Replaces overflows and runs over.
sayssaithSaith is the old form of say for he, she and it. Replaces says.
seemsseemethSeemeth is the old form of seem for he, she and it. Replaces seems. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
speaksspeakethSpeaketh is the old form of speak for he, she and it. Replaces speaks.
stinksstinkethStinketh is the old form of stink for he, she and it. Replaces stinks.
takestakethTaketh is the old form of take for he, she and it. Replaces takes.
thinksthinkethThinketh is the old form of think for he, she and it. Replaces thinks.
'Tis, 'twas and other clipped words 10
evene'enReplaces even. Wiktionary labels it poetic or archaic.
evere'erReplaces ever. Wiktionary labels it poetic or archaic.
neverne'erReplaces never. Wiktionary labels it poetic or archaic.
overo'erReplaces over. Wiktionary labels it literary.
oftenoftReplaces often. Wiktionary labels it poetic.
it is'tisReplaces it is and it's. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
it was'twasReplaces it was. Wiktionary labels it archaic or poetic.
you're welcome'twas nothingIt was nothing: the modest answer to thanks. Replaces you're welcome, you are welcome, no problem and no worries.
it were'twereReplaces it were. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
it will'twillReplaces it will and it'll. Wiktionary labels it poetic.
Greetings, thanks and manners 15
ciaoadieuA goodbye with some finality in it. Replaces ciao, peace out and see you soon.
excuse meby your leaveWith your permission. Replaces excuse me and pardon me.
goodbyefare thee wellReplaces goodbye, good bye, bye, see you later, see ya and take care. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
bye byefarewellReplaces bye bye, so long and cheerio.
hellogood morrowGood morning, pressed into service as a plain hello. Replaces hello, hi, hey and good morning. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
good eveninggood-denA worn-down good even. Replaces good evening and good afternoon. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
thanksgramercyReplaces thanks, thank you, thanks a lot, thank you very much, cheers and ty. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
greetingshailReplaces greetings and hiya. Wiktionary labels it archaic or poetic.
what's uphow nowReplaces what's up and how's it going. Wiktionary labels it archaic. Replaces "what's up", "whats up", "how's it going", "hows it going".
hoorayhuzzahReplaces hooray, hurray, yay, woohoo and woo hoo. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
sorryI crave thy pardonCrave in its old sense, to ask for earnestly. Replaces sorry, I'm sorry, my apologies, my bad, I apologize and I apologise. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary. Replaces "sorry", "i'm sorry", "im sorry", "my apologies", "my bad", "i apologize", "i apologise".
i beg youI pray theePray here means to beg a person, not a deity. Replaces I beg you and pretty please.
thank you so muchI thank theeReplaces thank you so much and thanks so much.
pleasepritheeA worn-down I pray thee. Replaces please. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
nice to meet youwell metReplaces nice to meet you, good to see you and pleased to meet you. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
Yes, no and exclamations 24
oh noalackReplaces oh no and oh dear.
unfortunatelyalasReplaces unfortunately and sadly.
yesayeReplaces yes, yeah, yep and yup.
probablybelikeReplaces probably and likely. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
i swearby my trothA troth is a pledge. Replaces I swear and I promise. May also be tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
certainlycertesReplaces certainly, of course and obviously. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
ughfieReplaces ugh, eww, ew and yuck. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
shame on youfie upon theeReplaces shame on you. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
indeedforsoothOften said with a raised eyebrow. Replaces indeed. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic or poetic.
holy cowgadzooksReplaces holy cow, good grief and no way. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
come ongo toA protest, not a direction. Replaces come on and oh come on. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
listenharkReplaces listen. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
I trowI believe. Only ever tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
I warrant theeI assure you. Only ever tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
honestlyin soothSooth is truth. Replaces honestly, to be honest, tbh and in truth. May also be tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
look hereloReplaces look here, check it out and check this out. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
possiblymayhapReplaces possibly. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
nonayReplaces no, nope and nah. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
perhapsperchanceReplaces perhaps and maybe. Wiktionary labels it literary.
trulyverilyReplaces truly and really. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
poor mewoe is meReplaces poor me.
absolutelyyeaReplaces absolutely and yes indeed.
definitelyyea, verilyReplaces definitely, for sure and totally.
wowzoundsA clipped oath, long since safe for mixed company. Replaces wow, whoa, omg, oh my god and oh my gosh. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it dated.
People and what to call them 25
police officerconstableReplaces police officer, cop and policeman.
cowardcravenReplaces coward and cowardly. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
old womancroneReplaces old woman and old lady. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
pickpocketcutpurseA thief who works purses and pockets in public. Replaces pickpocket, thief and mugger.
idiotdoltReplaces idiot, dummy, moron, airhead, dimwit and blockhead.
buddygood fellowReplaces buddy, pal and mate.
guysgood folkReplaces guys, folks and people.
sirgood sirReplaces sir, mister, dude, bro and bruh.
old mangreybeardReplaces old man and old guy. Wiktionary labels it poetic.
jerkknaveFirst a boy servant, later a tricky, dishonest fellow. Replaces jerk, scoundrel and bad guy. Wiktionary labels it dated.
girlmaidenReplaces girl and young woman. Wiktionary labels it literary.
singerminstrelReplaces singer and musician.
ma'ammy ladyReplaces ma'am and madam. Replaces "ma'am", "madam", "maam".
bossmy liegeA liege is a king or lord. Use at work at your own risk. Replaces boss, chief and manager.
scientistnatural philosopherA person who studied natural philosophy. Replaces scientist.
doctorphysicianReplaces doctor.
teacherschoolmasterReplaces teacher and professor.
your majestysireA lord or master, mostly said to his face. Replaces your majesty and your highness.
hey yousirrahFor someone you outrank, or wish you did. Replaces hey you and you there. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
lazybonesslugabedSomeone still in bed after everyone else is up. Replaces lazybones and couch potato.
fortune tellersoothsayerOne who tries to predict the future. Sooth is truth. Replaces fortune teller, psychic and weather forecaster.
assistantsquireThe one who carried a knight's shield. Replaces assistant and intern.
sweetiesweetingReplaces sweetie, honey and darling. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
loservarletFirst a knight's young attendant, later a rogue. Replaces loser and creep. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
the policethe watchThe people who guard. Replaces the police, the cops, police and cops.
When and where 28
soonanonReplaces soon, in a minute, in a bit, in a moment and shortly. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
earlybetimesReplaces early. Wiktionary labels it dated.
betweenbetwixtReplaces between. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
come herecome hitherReplaces come here and get over here. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
beforeereReplaces before. Wiktionary labels it poetic or archaic.
before tomorrowere the morrowReplaces before tomorrow.
before longerelongReplaces before long and pretty soon. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
foreverfor evermoreReplaces forever.
immediatelyforthwithWithout delay. Replaces immediately, asap and right away.
two weeksfortnightStill everyday in Britain, dated in North America. Replaces two weeks.
go awayget thee henceReplaces go away, get lost, get out and leave me alone. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
from herehenceReplaces from here and away from here. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
from now onhenceforthReplaces from now on.
over herehitherTo this place. Replaces over here and to here. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
nearnighReplaces near, nearby and close by. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
o'clockof the clockThe long form of o'clock. Replaces o'clock. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
tomorrowon the morrowReplaces tomorrow. Wiktionary labels it archaic or poetic.
right nowpresentlyIt used to mean at once, not after a while. Replaces right now and at once.
a weeksennightSeven nights, run together. Replaces a week and one week. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
straight awaystraightwayReplaces straight away and instantly. Wiktionary labels it dated.
todaythis dayReplaces today.
tonightthis nightReplaces tonight.
to therethitherTo that place. Replaces to there and over that way. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
almostwell-nighReplaces almost and nearly.
where fromwhenceReplaces where from and from where. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
where towhitherReplaces where to.
last nightyesternightReplaces last night. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
over thereyonderReplaces over there. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
Small words and numbers 21
twentya score ofA score is twenty. Replaces twenty.
althoughalbeitReplaces although and even though.
anythingaughtReplaces anything. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
enoughenowReplaces enough. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
don't worryfear notReplaces don't worry, do not worry and don't be afraid.
eightyfourscoreReplaces eighty. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
howeverhowbeitReplaces however and nevertheless. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
i don't careI care notReplaces I don't care, I do not care and idc.
i don't knowI know notReplaces I don't know, I do not know, I dunno and idk.
in twoin twainReplaces in two and in half. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
i thinkmethinksIt seems to me. One word, no I required. Replaces I think, I guess, I reckon, imo and in my opinion. May also be tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it archaic or humorous.
i thoughtmethoughtReplaces I thought. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
lots ofmickleReplaces lots of, a lot of and loads of. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
nothingnaughtReplaces nothing.
incrediblypassingSurpassingly. Replaces incredibly, super and extremely. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
exceptsaveAn old except: all save one. Replaces except and except for.
sixtythreescoreReplaces sixty. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
whateverwhatsoeverReplaces whatever.
whywhereforeIt means why, not where. Replaces why. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
whoeverwhosoeverReplaces whoever.
as wellwithalReplaces as well and besides. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
Things to do 28
scrambegoneReplaces scram, shoo, buzz off and get out of here. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
look atbeholdReplaces look at and check out.
begbeseechReplaces beg and implore.
wait a secondbut softSoft meant hold on, not so fast. Replaces wait a second, hang on a second, shh and hush. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
scamcozenReplaces scam, con, swindle and rip off. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
stealfilchTo steal, especially something small. Replaces steal, swipe and nick.
bring it onhave at theeWhat one says just before swinging. Replaces bring it on, fight me and let's fight. Wiktionary labels it dated.
listen tohearken toReplaces listen to and pay attention to. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
shut uphold thy tongueReplaces shut up, be quiet, shush and zip it.
i'm deadI am undoneRuined, not unbuttoned. Replaces I'm dead, I am dead, I'm done for and I am done for.
i miss youI pine for theeTo pine is to long for someone until it hurts. Replaces I miss you and miss you.
jokejestReplaces joke. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
hurry upmake hasteReplaces hurry up and get a move on. Wiktionary labels it dated.
have funmake merryReplaces have fun and celebrate.
chatterprattleTo talk on and on about nothing much. Replaces chatter, babble, ramble and yap.
tell mepray tellReplaces tell me and do tell. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
chugquaffTo drink deeply and with relish. Replaces chug, gulp and drink up.
sleepslumberReplaces sleep and nap.
hitsmiteReplaces hit, punch and smack. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
have dinnersupTo eat supper. Replaces have dinner and eat dinner.
faintswoonA faint. Replaces faint and pass out.
waittarryReplaces wait, linger and hang around. Wiktionary labels it dated.
wait a minutetarry a whileReplaces wait a minute, hold on, hang on, wait up and one sec. Wiktionary labels it dated.
let go of meunhand meTo unhand is to release from the hand. Replaces let go of me, let me go and get off me.
annoyvexReplaces annoy, irritate and bother.
cryweepReplaces cry and sob.
you'll be sorrywoe betide theeA warning that trouble is on its way. Replaces you'll be sorry, you will be sorry, you'll regret this and you will regret this.
flirt withwooReplaces flirt with and hit on.
Things, places and animals 45
houseabodeA residence or dwelling. Replaces house, apartment and flat.
fluagueAn acute fever. Replaces flu and fever. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
beeraleReplaces beer.
pharmacyapothecaryReplaces pharmacy, drugstore, chemist and pharmacist. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
whiskyaqua vitaeStrong spirits. Latin for water of life. Replaces whisky, whiskey, vodka, liquor, booze and spirits. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
bedroombedchamberReplaces bedroom. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
pantsbreechesA garment covering the hips and thighs. Replaces pants, trousers and jeans. Wiktionary labels it historical.
moneycoinReplaces money and cash.
songdittyA short, simple song. Replaces song and tune.
jacketdoubletA close-fitting jacket worn from the 1400s to the 1600s. Replaces jacket and hoodie.
dollarsducatsA ducat was a gold coin minted by several European nations. Replaces dollars and bucks. Wiktionary labels it historical.
emailepistleA letter, especially a formal one. Replaces email, e-mail and letter.
eveningeventideReplaces evening and dusk. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
bottleflagonA large jug with a handle, a lid and a spout. Replaces bottle, pitcher and jug.
jailgaolA dated British spelling of jail. Replaces jail and prison. Wiktionary labels it dated.
cupgobletA drinking vessel with a foot and a stem. Replaces cup and mug.
forestgreenwoodA forest in full leaf. Replaces forest and woods.
catgrimalkinA cat, especially an elderly female. Replaces cat and kitty.
carhorseless carriageWhat early motor cars were called. Far too late for the rest of this list, and funnier for it. Replaces car and automobile. Wiktionary labels it historical.
doghoundReplaces dog and doggo.
flashlightlanthornAn old spelling of lantern. Replaces flashlight, torch and lantern. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
pantrylarderA cool room where food is kept. Replaces pantry, fridge and refrigerator.
photolikenessA portrait. Replaces photo, picture, pic and selfie.
mirrorlooking-glassReplaces mirror. Wiktionary labels it dated.
guitarluteA fretted instrument with a bowl-shaped body, similar to the guitar. Replaces guitar.
messagemissiveA written message. Replaces message, text message and dm.
headpateReplaces head. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
medicinephysicReplaces medicine, medication and meds. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
theaterplayhouseReplaces theater, theatre, cinema and movie theater.
bathroomprivyAn outdoor toilet, and later any toilet. Replaces bathroom, toilet, restroom and loo.
penquillA pen made from a feather. Replaces pen and pencil.
clothesraimentReplaces clothes and clothing. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary.
mealrepastReplaces meal and lunch. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary.
partyrevelReplaces party, festival and rave.
horsesteedA horse for riding. Wiktionary also lists it as humorous cycling slang for a bicycle. Replaces horse, bike, bicycle and motorbike. Wiktionary labels it archaic, poetic.
dinnersupperReplaces dinner.
candysweetmeatA sweet delicacy. No meat is involved. Replaces candy and dessert.
pigswineReplaces pig, pigs and hog.
bartavernReplaces bar and pub.
stormtempestReplaces storm and thunderstorm.
newstidingsReplaces news, update and updates.
booktomeA large or scholarly book. Replaces book and textbook.
foodvictualsFood supplies. Said vittles. Replaces food, groceries and snacks. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
facevisageReplaces face.
skywelkinThe sky, seen as a dome overhead. Replaces sky.
Words that describe 26
freezingacoldReplaces freezing and chilly. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary.
confusedaddledSaid of eggs gone bad, and of thoughts gone the same way. Replaces confused and mixed up.
afraidafeardReplaces afraid, scared and frightened. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
hungryahungeredPinched with hunger. Replaces hungry and starving.
thirstyathirstReplaces thirsty. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
thickbeef-wittedReplaces thick and dim. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
obsessedbesottedInfatuated. Replaces obsessed and smitten.
uselessbootlessNothing to do with footwear. Replaces useless, pointless and futile.
good-lookingcomelyReplaces good-looking, attractive, cute and handsome.
fearlessdoughtyReplaces fearless and plucky. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
beautifulfairReplaces beautiful, gorgeous and lovely. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary.
speedyfleetReplaces speedy, quick and swift. Wiktionary labels it literary.
grossfoulReplaces gross, disgusting and nasty.
wimpylily-liveredReplaces wimpy and gutless.
happymerryReplaces happy and cheerful.
greatmost excellentReplaces great, brilliant, fantastic, really good and very good.
modernnewfangledNew, and usually said with disapproval. Replaces modern, high-tech and trendy.
weirdpassing strangeSurpassingly odd. Replaces weird, bizarre, really weird and so weird. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
cheekysaucyImpertinent, often in a way people enjoy. Replaces cheeky, sassy and rude.
crummyscurvyContemptible. Replaces crummy and shabby. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
tastytoothsomeReplaces tasty, delicious and yummy.
bravevaliantReplaces brave and courageous.
annoyedvexedReplaces annoyed, irritated and upset.
tiredwearyReplaces tired, exhausted and sleepy.
amazingwondrousReplaces amazing, awesome, wonderful and incredible.
angrywrothReplaces angry, mad and furious. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
How this list was compiled: A hand-written list of 299 swaps, own work. Every old word or form in it was looked up in the English Wiktionary (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/<word>, for example https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/prithee) on 2026-09-19: 258 entries, read as raw wikitext, each named in the row's x.checked. A script stops the build if an entry has no English section, and if a label typed into x.label is not on a definition line or the headword line of that entry. 122 rows carry such a label (archaic, obsolete, dated, poetic, literary or historical); the other words are either still in use and only sound old in company (tavern, steed, behold) or are verb forms Wiktionary lists without a label (knowest, maketh). Phrases built from checked words (thou art, get thee hence, I crave thy pardon) were checked word by word. The grammar comes from two Wikipedia articles read the same day: Thou (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thou) for thou as subject, thee as object, thy before a consonant, thine before a vowel, ye for more than one person, the -est and -st endings after thou and the forms art, wast, wert, hast, dost, shalt, wilt and canst; and Early Modern English (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Early_Modern_English) for hath, doth and the -eth ending. Old English (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_English) was read for what the name properly means: the language of about the 5th century to 1150, which this list does not contain. In: words a reader meets in Shakespeare, the King James Bible and later imitations of them, mapped to the modern words a visitor is likely to type. Left out: real Old English, anything Wiktionary marks offensive, oaths that are still rude, candidate phrases with no Wiktionary entry (cry you mercy), and words whose old sense is too far from the modern one to swap safely. The mappings are jokes, not scholarship: grimalkin is an old word for a cat, not the word for every cat, and horseless carriage is from about 1900. Licence: own work