Old English Translator Funny Enough to Send

Type a sentence and get it back in a joke voice, with thee, thou and hath in the right places.

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Direction: Plain text to Translation

Translation 73 characters

Good morrow friend, thou art late and thy grimalkin hath eaten my supper.

6 swaps made. 5 words have no entry and stay as typed.

More options

This is a word list, not a language. Only whole words and phrases that have an entry change. Everything else stays exactly as you typed it, and the note under the result says how many words had no entry.

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How it works

This old English translator is funny on purpose. Type plain modern English and it comes back with thee, thou, hath and prithee, using 299 hand-written swaps that cover 646 everyday words and phrases. The voice is Shakespeare's period, played for laughs. Real Old English is another language, and no group chat is ready for it.

Read the full guide

What happens to your sentence

The longest phrase the table knows goes first, so you are becomes thou art before you is looked at alone. Capitals carry over, punctuation stays where it was, and a word with no row is left as typed. The note under the result counts swaps and words left alone. Share copies a link to your sentence, and Swap reads old-style wording back, roughly.

Thou, thee, thy and thine, done properly

The lazy way is to turn every you into thou. This page looks at the word before it. Thou does the thing: thou art late. Thee has it done to them, so you after a verb, or after to, for or with, becomes thee: I see thee. Thy goes before a consonant sound and thine before a vowel: thy cat, thine uncle. Verbs after thou end in -est or -st, and 53 rows cover them, from thou art to thou smellest. Must does not change.

Tips
  • Whole words only: wait becomes tarry and waiting stays as typed. Plain plurals are the exception, so cats come out as grimalkins.
  • No turns into nay only when it stands alone. No time stays no time.
  • Zounds and gadzooks are minced oaths, swearing with the corners filed off, so both are safe for a birthday card.

Questions and answers

Is this real Old English?

No. Old English was spoken in England from about the 5th century to around 1150, used letters such as þ and ð, and cannot be read today without study. This page imitates Early Modern English, roughly 1500 to 1650, which readers still mostly follow. People call both old English, so the page answers to the name and admits the difference.

What does wherefore mean?

Why. Wiktionary gives it as an archaic word for why or for what reason, so wherefore art thou late asks for an excuse, not a location. The table swaps it in for why and nothing else. Where to is whither, where from is whence, and over there is yonder.

Does it work as a Shakespeare text generator?

For the vocabulary, yes. Thou, hath, doth and prithee belong to Early Modern English, the period also known as Shakespeare's English. It does not write verse, count syllables or invent insults. It swaps words. By 1650 thou already sounded old-fashioned, so the voice has had a long time to ripen.

All 299 swaps

Thou, thee, thy and thine 7

  • mine own Mine stood in for my before a vowel sound. Replaces my own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • thee You, as the one it is done to: I thank thee. Replaces you. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • thine Yours, and also your before a vowel sound: thine eyes. Replaces yours. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • thou You, as the one doing the thing. One person only. Replaces you. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • thy Your, before a consonant sound: thy mother. Replaces your. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • thyself Replaces yourself. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • ye You, as the subject, for more than one person. Replaces you all, you guys, all of you, y'all, you lot and you two. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
Show all 299 swaps (292 more)

Verbs that follow thou 53

  • art thou The verb goes first in a question. Replaces are you.
  • canst thou Canst is the form of can that goes with thou. Replaces can you.
  • couldst thou Couldst is the past form of can that goes with thou. Replaces could you.
  • didst thou Didst is the past form of do that goes with thou. Replaces did you.
  • dost thou Dost is the form of do that goes with thou. Replaces do you.
  • hast thou Hast is the form of have that goes with thou. Replaces have you.
  • if thou wert Wert is the form for wishes and what-ifs. Replaces if you were. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • knowest thou Knowest is the form of know that goes with thou. Replaces do you know.
  • thou art Art goes with thou and with nothing else. Replaces you are and you're. Replaces "you are", "you're", "youre".
  • thou art not Art is the form of be that goes with thou. Replaces you aren't, you are not and you're not.
  • thou canst Canst is the form of can that goes with thou. Replaces you can.
  • thou canst not Canst is the form of can that goes with thou. Replaces you can't, you cannot and you can not.
  • thou comest Comest is the form of come that goes with thou. Replaces you come.
  • thou couldst Couldst is the past form of can that goes with thou. Replaces you could.
  • thou didst Didst is the past form of do that goes with thou. Replaces you did.
  • thou didst not Didst is the past form of do that goes with thou. Replaces you didn't and you did not.
  • thou dost Dost helps another verb along: thou dost protest. Replaces you do.
  • thou dost jest Dost is the form of do that goes with thou. Replaces you're kidding, you are kidding, you're joking, you are joking and you must be joking.
  • thou dost not Dost is the form of do that goes with thou. Replaces you don't and you do not.
  • thou givest Givest is the form of give that goes with thou. Replaces you give.
  • thou goest Goest is the form of go that goes with thou. Replaces you go.
  • thou hadst Hadst is the past form of have that goes with thou. Replaces you had.
  • thou hast Hast is the form of have that goes with thou. Replaces you have and you've.
  • thou hast not Hast is the form of have that goes with thou. Replaces you haven't and you have not.
  • thou hearest Hearest is the form of hear that goes with thou. Replaces you hear.
  • thou knowest Knowest is the form of know that goes with thou. Replaces you know.
  • thou liest Liest is the form of lie that goes with thou. Replaces you lie, you're lying and you are lying.
  • thou lookest Lookest is the form of look that goes with thou. Replaces you look.
  • thou lovest Lovest is the form of love that goes with thou. Replaces you love.
  • thou makest Makest is the form of make that goes with thou. Replaces you make.
  • thou mayest Mayest is the form of may that goes with thou. Replaces you may.
  • thou must Must is the one that does not change after thou. Replaces you must.
  • thou needest Needest is the form of need that goes with thou. Replaces you need.
  • thou sayest Sayest is the form of say that goes with thou. Replaces you say.
  • thou seest Seest is the form of see that goes with thou. Replaces you see.
  • thou shalt Shalt is the form of shall that goes with thou. Replaces you shall, you have to and you've got to.
  • thou shalt not Shalt is the form of shall that goes with thou. Replaces you shall not, you shan't, you must not and you mustn't.
  • thou shouldst Shouldst is the past form of shall that goes with thou. Replaces you should.
  • thou shouldst not Shouldst is the past form of shall that goes with thou. Replaces you shouldn't and you should not.
  • thou smellest Smellest is the form of smell that goes with thou. Replaces you smell.
  • thou speakest Speakest is the form of speak that goes with thou. Replaces you speak and you talk.
  • thou takest Takest is the form of take that goes with thou. Replaces you take.
  • thou thinkest Thinkest is the form of think that goes with thou. Replaces you think.
  • thou wantest Wantest is the form of want that goes with thou. Replaces you want.
  • thou wast The plain past of thou art. Replaces you were.
  • thou wilt Wilt is the form of will that goes with thou. Replaces you will and you'll.
  • thou wilt not Wilt is the form of will that goes with thou. Replaces you won't and you will not.
  • thou wouldst Wouldst is the past form of will that goes with thou. Replaces you would and you'd.
  • wast thou Wast is the past form of be that goes with thou. Replaces were you.
  • whence comest thou Whence asks where from. Replaces where are you from and where do you come from.
  • whither goest thou Whither asks where to. Replaces where are you going.
  • wilt thou Wilt is the form of will that goes with thou. Replaces will you.
  • wouldst thou Wouldst is the past form of will that goes with thou. Replaces would you.

Hath, doth and the -eth endings 17

  • cometh Cometh is the old form of come for he, she and it. Replaces comes.
  • doth Doth is the old form of do for he, she and it. Replaces does.
  • doth not Doth is the old form of do for he, she and it. Replaces doesn't and does not.
  • giveth Giveth is the old form of give for he, she and it. Replaces gives.
  • goeth Goeth is the old form of go for he, she and it. Replaces goes.
  • hath Hath is the old form of have for he, she and it. Replaces has.
  • hath not Hath is the old form of have for he, she and it. Replaces hasn't and has not.
  • knoweth Knoweth is the old form of know for he, she and it. Replaces knows.
  • loveth Loveth is the old form of love for he, she and it. Replaces loves.
  • maketh Maketh is the old form of make for he, she and it. Replaces makes.
  • runneth over Runneth is the old form of run for he, she and it. Replaces overflows and runs over.
  • saith Saith is the old form of say for he, she and it. Replaces says.
  • seemeth Seemeth is the old form of seem for he, she and it. Replaces seems. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • speaketh Speaketh is the old form of speak for he, she and it. Replaces speaks.
  • stinketh Stinketh is the old form of stink for he, she and it. Replaces stinks.
  • taketh Taketh is the old form of take for he, she and it. Replaces takes.
  • thinketh Thinketh is the old form of think for he, she and it. Replaces thinks.

'Tis, 'twas and other clipped words 10

  • e'en Replaces even. Wiktionary labels it poetic or archaic.
  • e'er Replaces ever. Wiktionary labels it poetic or archaic.
  • ne'er Replaces never. Wiktionary labels it poetic or archaic.
  • o'er Replaces over. Wiktionary labels it literary.
  • oft Replaces often. Wiktionary labels it poetic.
  • 'tis Replaces it is and it's. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
  • 'twas Replaces it was. Wiktionary labels it archaic or poetic.
  • 'twas nothing It was nothing: the modest answer to thanks. Replaces you're welcome, you are welcome, no problem and no worries.
  • 'twere Replaces it were. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • 'twill Replaces it will and it'll. Wiktionary labels it poetic.

Greetings, thanks and manners 15

  • adieu A goodbye with some finality in it. Replaces ciao, peace out and see you soon.
  • by your leave With your permission. Replaces excuse me and pardon me.
  • fare thee well Replaces goodbye, good bye, bye, see you later, see ya and take care. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • farewell Replaces bye bye, so long and cheerio.
  • good morrow Good morning, pressed into service as a plain hello. Replaces hello, hi, hey and good morning. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • good-den A worn-down good even. Replaces good evening and good afternoon. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
  • gramercy Replaces thanks, thank you, thanks a lot, thank you very much, cheers and ty. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • hail Replaces greetings and hiya. Wiktionary labels it archaic or poetic.
  • how now Replaces what's up and how's it going. Wiktionary labels it archaic. Replaces "what's up", "whats up", "how's it going", "hows it going".
  • huzzah Replaces hooray, hurray, yay, woohoo and woo hoo. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • I crave thy pardon Crave in its old sense, to ask for earnestly. Replaces sorry, I'm sorry, my apologies, my bad, I apologize and I apologise. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary. Replaces "sorry", "i'm sorry", "im sorry", "my apologies", "my bad", "i apologize", "i apologise".
  • I pray thee Pray here means to beg a person, not a deity. Replaces I beg you and pretty please.
  • I thank thee Replaces thank you so much and thanks so much.
  • prithee A worn-down I pray thee. Replaces please. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • well met Replaces nice to meet you, good to see you and pleased to meet you. Wiktionary labels it archaic.

Yes, no and exclamations 24

  • alack Replaces oh no and oh dear.
  • alas Replaces unfortunately and sadly.
  • aye Replaces yes, yeah, yep and yup.
  • belike Replaces probably and likely. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • by my troth A troth is a pledge. Replaces I swear and I promise. May also be tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • certes Replaces certainly, of course and obviously. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • fie Replaces ugh, eww, ew and yuck. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • fie upon thee Replaces shame on you. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • forsooth Often said with a raised eyebrow. Replaces indeed. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic or poetic.
  • gadzooks Replaces holy cow, good grief and no way. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • go to A protest, not a direction. Replaces come on and oh come on. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • hark Replaces listen. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • I trow I believe. Only ever tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • I warrant thee I assure you. Only ever tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
  • in sooth Sooth is truth. Replaces honestly, to be honest, tbh and in truth. May also be tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • lo Replaces look here, check it out and check this out. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • mayhap Replaces possibly. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • nay Replaces no, nope and nah. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • perchance Replaces perhaps and maybe. Wiktionary labels it literary.
  • verily Replaces truly and really. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • woe is me Replaces poor me.
  • yea Replaces absolutely and yes indeed.
  • yea, verily Replaces definitely, for sure and totally.
  • zounds A clipped oath, long since safe for mixed company. Replaces wow, whoa, omg, oh my god and oh my gosh. May also open a sentence on its own. Wiktionary labels it dated.

People and what to call them 25

  • constable Replaces police officer, cop and policeman.
  • craven Replaces coward and cowardly. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • crone Replaces old woman and old lady. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • cutpurse A thief who works purses and pockets in public. Replaces pickpocket, thief and mugger.
  • dolt Replaces idiot, dummy, moron, airhead, dimwit and blockhead.
  • good fellow Replaces buddy, pal and mate.
  • good folk Replaces guys, folks and people.
  • good sir Replaces sir, mister, dude, bro and bruh.
  • greybeard Replaces old man and old guy. Wiktionary labels it poetic.
  • knave First a boy servant, later a tricky, dishonest fellow. Replaces jerk, scoundrel and bad guy. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • maiden Replaces girl and young woman. Wiktionary labels it literary.
  • minstrel Replaces singer and musician.
  • my lady Replaces ma'am and madam. Replaces "ma'am", "madam", "maam".
  • my liege A liege is a king or lord. Use at work at your own risk. Replaces boss, chief and manager.
  • natural philosopher A person who studied natural philosophy. Replaces scientist.
  • physician Replaces doctor.
  • schoolmaster Replaces teacher and professor.
  • sire A lord or master, mostly said to his face. Replaces your majesty and your highness.
  • sirrah For someone you outrank, or wish you did. Replaces hey you and you there. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
  • slugabed Someone still in bed after everyone else is up. Replaces lazybones and couch potato.
  • soothsayer One who tries to predict the future. Sooth is truth. Replaces fortune teller, psychic and weather forecaster.
  • squire The one who carried a knight's shield. Replaces assistant and intern.
  • sweeting Replaces sweetie, honey and darling. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
  • varlet First a knight's young attendant, later a rogue. Replaces loser and creep. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • the watch The people who guard. Replaces the police, the cops, police and cops.

When and where 28

  • anon Replaces soon, in a minute, in a bit, in a moment and shortly. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • betimes Replaces early. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • betwixt Replaces between. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
  • come hither Replaces come here and get over here. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
  • ere Replaces before. Wiktionary labels it poetic or archaic.
  • ere the morrow Replaces before tomorrow.
  • erelong Replaces before long and pretty soon. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • for evermore Replaces forever.
  • forthwith Without delay. Replaces immediately, asap and right away.
  • fortnight Still everyday in Britain, dated in North America. Replaces two weeks.
  • get thee hence Replaces go away, get lost, get out and leave me alone. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • hence Replaces from here and away from here. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • henceforth Replaces from now on.
  • hither To this place. Replaces over here and to here. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
  • nigh Replaces near, nearby and close by. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • of the clock The long form of o'clock. Replaces o'clock. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
  • on the morrow Replaces tomorrow. Wiktionary labels it archaic or poetic.
  • presently It used to mean at once, not after a while. Replaces right now and at once.
  • sennight Seven nights, run together. Replaces a week and one week. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • straightway Replaces straight away and instantly. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • this day Replaces today.
  • this night Replaces tonight.
  • thither To that place. Replaces to there and over that way. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
  • well-nigh Replaces almost and nearly.
  • whence Replaces where from and from where. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • whither Replaces where to.
  • yesternight Replaces last night. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • yonder Replaces over there. Wiktionary labels it archaic.

Small words and numbers 21

  • a score of A score is twenty. Replaces twenty.
  • albeit Replaces although and even though.
  • aught Replaces anything. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • enow Replaces enough. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • fear not Replaces don't worry, do not worry and don't be afraid.
  • fourscore Replaces eighty. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • howbeit Replaces however and nevertheless. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • I care not Replaces I don't care, I do not care and idc.
  • I know not Replaces I don't know, I do not know, I dunno and idk.
  • in twain Replaces in two and in half. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • methinks It seems to me. One word, no I required. Replaces I think, I guess, I reckon, imo and in my opinion. May also be tacked on the end of a sentence. Wiktionary labels it archaic or humorous.
  • methought Replaces I thought. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • mickle Replaces lots of, a lot of and loads of. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • naught Replaces nothing.
  • passing Surpassingly. Replaces incredibly, super and extremely. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
  • save An old except: all save one. Replaces except and except for.
  • threescore Replaces sixty. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • whatsoever Replaces whatever.
  • wherefore It means why, not where. Replaces why. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • whosoever Replaces whoever.
  • withal Replaces as well and besides. Wiktionary labels it archaic.

Things to do 28

  • begone Replaces scram, shoo, buzz off and get out of here. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • behold Replaces look at and check out.
  • beseech Replaces beg and implore.
  • but soft Soft meant hold on, not so fast. Replaces wait a second, hang on a second, shh and hush. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • cozen Replaces scam, con, swindle and rip off. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • filch To steal, especially something small. Replaces steal, swipe and nick.
  • have at thee What one says just before swinging. Replaces bring it on, fight me and let's fight. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • hearken to Replaces listen to and pay attention to. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • hold thy tongue Replaces shut up, be quiet, shush and zip it.
  • I am undone Ruined, not unbuttoned. Replaces I'm dead, I am dead, I'm done for and I am done for.
  • I pine for thee To pine is to long for someone until it hurts. Replaces I miss you and miss you.
  • jest Replaces joke. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • make haste Replaces hurry up and get a move on. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • make merry Replaces have fun and celebrate.
  • prattle To talk on and on about nothing much. Replaces chatter, babble, ramble and yap.
  • pray tell Replaces tell me and do tell. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • quaff To drink deeply and with relish. Replaces chug, gulp and drink up.
  • slumber Replaces sleep and nap.
  • smite Replaces hit, punch and smack. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • sup To eat supper. Replaces have dinner and eat dinner.
  • swoon A faint. Replaces faint and pass out.
  • tarry Replaces wait, linger and hang around. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • tarry a while Replaces wait a minute, hold on, hang on, wait up and one sec. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • unhand me To unhand is to release from the hand. Replaces let go of me, let me go and get off me.
  • vex Replaces annoy, irritate and bother.
  • weep Replaces cry and sob.
  • woe betide thee A warning that trouble is on its way. Replaces you'll be sorry, you will be sorry, you'll regret this and you will regret this.
  • woo Replaces flirt with and hit on.

Things, places and animals 45

  • abode A residence or dwelling. Replaces house, apartment and flat.
  • ague An acute fever. Replaces flu and fever. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
  • ale Replaces beer.
  • apothecary Replaces pharmacy, drugstore, chemist and pharmacist. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • aqua vitae Strong spirits. Latin for water of life. Replaces whisky, whiskey, vodka, liquor, booze and spirits. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • bedchamber Replaces bedroom. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • breeches A garment covering the hips and thighs. Replaces pants, trousers and jeans. Wiktionary labels it historical.
  • coin Replaces money and cash.
  • ditty A short, simple song. Replaces song and tune.
  • doublet A close-fitting jacket worn from the 1400s to the 1600s. Replaces jacket and hoodie.
  • ducats A ducat was a gold coin minted by several European nations. Replaces dollars and bucks. Wiktionary labels it historical.
  • epistle A letter, especially a formal one. Replaces email, e-mail and letter.
  • eventide Replaces evening and dusk. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • flagon A large jug with a handle, a lid and a spout. Replaces bottle, pitcher and jug.
  • gaol A dated British spelling of jail. Replaces jail and prison. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • goblet A drinking vessel with a foot and a stem. Replaces cup and mug.
  • greenwood A forest in full leaf. Replaces forest and woods.
  • grimalkin A cat, especially an elderly female. Replaces cat and kitty.
  • horseless carriage What early motor cars were called. Far too late for the rest of this list, and funnier for it. Replaces car and automobile. Wiktionary labels it historical.
  • hound Replaces dog and doggo.
  • lanthorn An old spelling of lantern. Replaces flashlight, torch and lantern. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • larder A cool room where food is kept. Replaces pantry, fridge and refrigerator.
  • likeness A portrait. Replaces photo, picture, pic and selfie.
  • looking-glass Replaces mirror. Wiktionary labels it dated.
  • lute A fretted instrument with a bowl-shaped body, similar to the guitar. Replaces guitar.
  • missive A written message. Replaces message, text message and dm.
  • pate Replaces head. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • physic Replaces medicine, medication and meds. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • playhouse Replaces theater, theatre, cinema and movie theater.
  • privy An outdoor toilet, and later any toilet. Replaces bathroom, toilet, restroom and loo.
  • quill A pen made from a feather. Replaces pen and pencil.
  • raiment Replaces clothes and clothing. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary.
  • repast Replaces meal and lunch. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary.
  • revel Replaces party, festival and rave.
  • steed A horse for riding. Wiktionary also lists it as humorous cycling slang for a bicycle. Replaces horse, bike, bicycle and motorbike. Wiktionary labels it archaic, poetic.
  • supper Replaces dinner.
  • sweetmeat A sweet delicacy. No meat is involved. Replaces candy and dessert.
  • swine Replaces pig, pigs and hog.
  • tavern Replaces bar and pub.
  • tempest Replaces storm and thunderstorm.
  • tidings Replaces news, update and updates.
  • tome A large or scholarly book. Replaces book and textbook.
  • victuals Food supplies. Said vittles. Replaces food, groceries and snacks. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • visage Replaces face.
  • welkin The sky, seen as a dome overhead. Replaces sky.

Words that describe 26

  • acold Replaces freezing and chilly. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary.
  • addled Said of eggs gone bad, and of thoughts gone the same way. Replaces confused and mixed up.
  • afeard Replaces afraid, scared and frightened. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • ahungered Pinched with hunger. Replaces hungry and starving.
  • athirst Replaces thirsty. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • beef-witted Replaces thick and dim. Wiktionary labels it obsolete.
  • besotted Infatuated. Replaces obsessed and smitten.
  • bootless Nothing to do with footwear. Replaces useless, pointless and futile.
  • comely Replaces good-looking, attractive, cute and handsome.
  • doughty Replaces fearless and plucky. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
  • fair Replaces beautiful, gorgeous and lovely. Wiktionary labels it archaic or literary.
  • fleet Replaces speedy, quick and swift. Wiktionary labels it literary.
  • foul Replaces gross, disgusting and nasty.
  • lily-livered Replaces wimpy and gutless.
  • merry Replaces happy and cheerful.
  • most excellent Replaces great, brilliant, fantastic, really good and very good.
  • newfangled New, and usually said with disapproval. Replaces modern, high-tech and trendy.
  • passing strange Surpassingly odd. Replaces weird, bizarre, really weird and so weird. Wiktionary labels it literary or archaic.
  • saucy Impertinent, often in a way people enjoy. Replaces cheeky, sassy and rude.
  • scurvy Contemptible. Replaces crummy and shabby. Wiktionary labels it archaic.
  • toothsome Replaces tasty, delicious and yummy.
  • valiant Replaces brave and courageous.
  • vexed Replaces annoyed, irritated and upset.
  • weary Replaces tired, exhausted and sleepy.
  • wondrous Replaces amazing, awesome, wonderful and incredible.
  • wroth Replaces angry, mad and furious. Wiktionary labels it archaic.

How this list was compiled: A hand-written list of 299 swaps, own work. Every old word or form in it was looked up in the English Wiktionary (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/<word>, for example https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/prithee) on 2026-09-19: 258 entries, read as raw wikitext, each named in the row's x.checked. A script stops the build if an entry has no English section, and if a label typed into x.label is not on a definition line or the headword line of that entry. 122 rows carry such a label (archaic, obsolete, dated, poetic, literary or historical); the other words are either still in use and only sound old in company (tavern, steed, behold) or are verb forms Wiktionary lists without a label (knowest, maketh). Phrases built from checked words (thou art, get thee hence, I crave thy pardon) were checked word by word. The grammar comes from two Wikipedia articles read the same day: Thou (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thou) for thou as subject, thee as object, thy before a consonant, thine before a vowel, ye for more than one person, the -est and -st endings after thou and the forms art, wast, wert, hast, dost, shalt, wilt and canst; and Early Modern English (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Early_Modern_English) for hath, doth and the -eth ending. Old English (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_English) was read for what the name properly means: the language of about the 5th century to 1150, which this list does not contain. In: words a reader meets in Shakespeare, the King James Bible and later imitations of them, mapped to the modern words a visitor is likely to type. Left out: real Old English, anything Wiktionary marks offensive, oaths that are still rude, candidate phrases with no Wiktionary entry (cry you mercy), and words whose old sense is too far from the modern one to swap safely. The mappings are jokes, not scholarship: grimalkin is an old word for a cat, not the word for every cat, and horseless carriage is from about 1900. Licence: own work